But I’ve been done with them for five days and the most profound things I have come up with are:

“How the heck do you tell which one’s Fred and which is George?”

“Can my patronus be a Neville?”

“But whyyyyy isn’t movie Sirius sexy like the book Sirius??” (A question, which, unfortunately, I have no answers to.)

It’s twenty twelve already. Time to stop caring too much.

Since coming back to the world of social media – the stint lasted all of three days – I’ve returned again and again to the idea of quitting it for a more permanent amount of time. I’d do it for the reasons already mentioned, but I’d also do it because, quite frankly, I think some people share far too much information with the rest of us. And to be even franker I mean I am tired of seeing photos of my best friends hanging out with each other and, well, not me. Every time I think this, or feel a little (lot) jealous of them I also see myself reaching new depths of pettiness; I begin think I’m being a brat for not wanting them to have fun without me or dare to to be close to people I’m not close with.

Except that it isn’t that that’s bothering me. I couldn’t care less if the two or four of them see each other more often than me, if it wasn’t always just those two and those four rubbing it in my facebook. I actually doubt that they are trying to rub it in anyone’s face by making their profile pictures match for a week. But if they were trying to, they would be doing a grand job of it. I’m not the only one who thinks it’s awkward, either; so at least I am a little bit justified in knowing that yes, other people notice that their group of four seems to constantly be together…and constantly a group of four.

What I am trying to say, and I am not perfect at this, either, before you start calling me a hypocrite – is that facebook has eliminated, though perhaps without trying, the common courtesy that is called privacy, a.k.a. don’t talk about parties in front of people who weren’t invited. I find myself wondering if the sharers of information/uploaders of picture albums actually think that these pictures will be interesting to anyone who wasn’t at the event. I wonder it about myself. The nearest answer I can come up with is no, they are mainly meant for those who were there when the pictures were taken; but there are certainly ways I could get those pictures shared without sharing them to my entire news feed. So there I get stuck again: why do I still upload them?

I guess it is because I am eager to show the world that I am not the kind of loser who sits around online and complains about how everyone else is off having fun when I’m not, when really it isn’t so much that I don’t have as much fun because I sit around online instead, but I just appear not to have as much physical evidence of the fun. I hope.

I’ll conclude this (rather long) post by saying that while I go back and forth between deleting and keeping my facebook, one thing that keeps me from deleting it on the aforementioned grounds is that I think it would be a terribly self-centered reason for doing something that is supposed to make me less self-centered. How, exactly, am I supposed to explain to my best friends that the reason I no longer talk to them on facebook is that their facebook pictures make me jealous – oh, and I think it’ll make me less vain? Especially when I can have no idea what kind of effect my own photos have on my facebook friends. My account is staying for now.

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

- e. e. cummings

i feel like i am always jumping in late in the game. i know sometimes it isn’t my own fault – i still feel the tiniest bit deprived and like a bad fangirl for only getting into lord of the rings when return of the king came out, but then, i was eight when the first one came out. i make up for this lack of lotr-hardcoreness by reminding myself that i have now been waiting for the hobbit to come out for at least seven years, and will continue to follow it until i die. probably. i still get warm fuzzies when i see old pictures of the lotr cast online. THEY WERE SO YOUNG AND CUTE THEN.

i’m sure you were looking for something sweet and heartwarming to make you love your family more or remind you of the true meaning of christmas or inspire you to actually follow new year’s resolutions etc etc etc, but as you can see, we don’t have any of that here.  here we have real life and crazy thoughts and one girl with the ability to write about whatever she darn well pleases (even if that includes a lack of proper capitalization and a severe lack of substance).

therefore i see it only proper to wish the world a very, very, happy Christmas Eve and the very best Christmas Day.

much love,
Shan

Whoops.

At least he’s cool enough to tell me how to make them better, though. Yay honors students. I use that phrase far too much. His instructions were, “stop trying to make what you think we want you to make. Start making things that are going to help you. And also start making schedules for your day cause otherwise you’re going to get worse.” And this is the man who I see running around in odd hats and comparing my friends to baby seals. Ohhh, I’m so glad that I have nothing to do for the next six weeks.

http://writtenkitten.net (for motivation), plus Jive Speak Translator (for funsies), plus the candygram I got from Alicia (for energy), plus the survival sack I got from my parents (for sustenance), plus a grande Starbucks iced sweetened green tea (there’s just nothing like it), plus a Starbucks peppermint brownie cake pop (because I can. And I think green tea and peppermint go great together), plus an awesome roommate in the comfy chair next to me.

And plus blogging, apparently.